Happy Saturday Helmets!
It’s been a while, but I figured I’d write one of these because I’m on vacation with my family and I’m up early and if I don’t find a way to occupy some time I’m just gonna wake everyone up and get my ass chewed. So here we are.
What a year! I’m batting about .190 on my bets, but at least I don’t get sad when the Huskers lose anymore. In fact, I found myself rooting for the other team after the Northwestern loss. Anything to get that twink albino Frost out of town. I think my daughter could have had a better record than he did. He’s the worst.
One last thing before my picks. Do you guys ever get on a losing streak so bad that you don’t even know if you’re making a bet because you like it or because you’re fading yourself? Or when you are just going through your phone and see your gambling app and get instantly stressed out without even opening it? I’m sure it’s just me.
Kansas +8.5 @ Oklahoma
In Tom Osborn’s final 5 seasons he won 3 nattys and was 60-3. 60-3!!!!! Now, Husker fans are hoping that we can convince the football coach from Kansas to come coach in Lincoln. Just shameful. How is someone supposed to have any self respect with that fact pattern? The Sooners are a disaster. They’ve won 3 games. You tell me which one is most impressive. Here they are. UTEP, Kent St, Nebraska. That’s like beating Glass Joe, Don Flamenco, and Piston Honda. Congrats Sooners. Jayhawks win outright.
Bye -21 vs Iowa
LOL JK, but seriously, fuck Iowa.
Illinois +6.5 vs MN @ Illinois
Ole Bert has got the Illini playing some ball this year! That guy can flat out coach football in the Big 10. He gets his shit pushed in down south in the SEC, but he knows the Big 10. I’ve heard PJ Fleck’s name thrown around for the Husker job. If that happens I’ll just snap. You’ll see me on national news. After everything Husker fans have been through in the past two decades we are not going to row the fucking boat. No chance. Unless he wins. Then I’ll do whatever he wants. I don’t care. No morals. If Putin came to Nebraska and went to a bowl game I’d get his face tattooed on my cheek. Someone just please make it stop!
Bama -8.5 vs Tennessee
Isn’t it cute that Tennessee thinks they’re good? Bless their hearts. I can promise you this, every Vol fan there is knows what happens today. Sports have no soul. No feelings. Sports do not exist to make you feel better about yourself. It is competition and there is no hiding. If you play Lebron one on one you might find a way to get one through the hoop if you’re really lucky, but in the end he’s gonna beat the fuck out of you. Alabama has QB issues…I guess. That’s what they say anyway. If you wanna call not knowing which 5 star freak athlete to lead your offense an issue I suppose that’s an issue. I wish I had issues like that. Between gambling on football and the stock market I’m trying to figure out how to keep the lights on. That’s an issue.
That’s it guys. It’s almost 6:30 here in CA. My fam has slept in long enough. Time to bang a bunch of stuff around and be loud af so everyone will wake up. Classic dad shit. I don’t know about you guys, but all the stuff my dad did that I hated growing up I thoroughly embrace now. Annoying and embarrassing your family is the best. There’s just nothing better. I can’t explain why, but the joy I feel when I see their cute little faces crinkle in disgust just gives me the fuel I need to get through the day.
Bonus pick. Take Purdue. Don’t be fooled. Nebraska still sucks. Don’t overthink it.
Have a great day boys!

What a great day today is. Day after Thanksgiving, Friday, does anyone work today?, Fuck Iowa, leftovers, and college football. Bad news is that the season is coming to a close. Let’s see if we can send this one out on a high note.
2019 Record
Last Week 2-1
Overall 19-17
Georgia -28 @ GA Tech Pick: Georgia
Bad matchup for Tech. They rely on the run because they haven’t been able to throw the ball since…..ever and the Bulldogs have allowed one touchdown run all season. One! Tech doesn’t score and Georgia sets themselves up for a title run. Kirby Smart punches a reporter when asked about Alabama.
Utah -28 vs Colorado @ Utah Pick: Utah
I remember when we left the CU/Nebraska game that it sucked to take an L, but CU must be better than everyone thought. I mean we had a Heisman trophy candidate at quarterback and Ginger Jesus as our coach. Obviously, CU was setting up for a monster season. LOL NOPE! They suck balls. Utah knows it needs to be impressive today and they will.
Indiana -7 at Purdue Pick: Indiana
Indiana has had a pretty good season and have exceeded expectations. Purdue has had a shitty season and has met expectations. I just don’t see any way this is close. Indiana should be able to do what they want when they want.
That’s it for the 2019 edition of the Rocky Mountain Locks. I really wish that I could tell you that I only bet the games I pick on here, but that would be a lie. It would also be a lie to tell you that those other picks are doing well. Gambling on college football games is dumb and we all know it. It might lead you to ask the question of why? Why do we do it then? We know it’s stupid, but we do it anyway. Is it for adrenaline? For the thrill of hitting that last leg of a parlay? To try out your new “system”? No. None of these are the answer. The reason we all do this is because we are mentally handicapped. Our brain is broken and we should get help.
Good luck the rest of the way boys. Merry Christmas if I don’t see ya!

Good Evening Degenerates,
Sports gambling, like poker, is a game of skill. It takes a lot of research and God given intuition to hit 3 out of 3 games. Many are called, but few are chosen in this racket. It’s time to extend the heater.
2019 Record
Last Week 3-0
Overall 17-16
Texas A&M @ Georgia Pick: Aggies
I have a feeling that the end of this season is going to be absolutely wild and I believe it will start with this game. Jimbo is an ELITE coach and is going to remind Kirb dog of that this weekend. When I say ELITE I mean Scott Frost level stuff. Sneaky good.
Arizona State +14 vs Oregon @ ASU Pick: Shockers
Arizona State isn’t just a hot chick school anymore. Herm “you play to win the game” Edwards is teaching these boys how to play some foosball. I’m calling for chaos boys. Pure unadulterated, Whistleblower, Shifty Schiff chaos.
Texas +5.5 @ Baylor Pick: Texas
Texas is back!!!!! I have to say it at least once a year. They are so not back, but they’ll pull it together to put it on the Bears tomorrow.
I get it. Not my best effort. I’m busy as shit right now and I’m trying to leave the house to head back to Nebraska to chase some pheasants around with my two daughters. These two sheltered little shits are going to watch daddy shoot an innocent bird and twirl it around until it’s neck breaks. I’m going to screw up their future husbands lives this weekend. Tomorrow is the day they find out daddy murders roosters.
Have a great weekend fellas.

Oh fer. Going 0-3 is like jerking off and three putting. You feel really bad and you’re really ashamed, but you know you’re going to do it again and it’s probably going to happen pretty soon.
Whatever.
On with it.
2019 Record
Last week 0-3 barf
Overall 14-16
Alabama -18 @ Miss St. Pick: Alabama
I’m not exactly sure what is going on here. The first time I saw the line it was 19.5 so I jumped on it. It then went up to 21 as expected, but then it went to 17.5 and sits at 18 right now. So what, exactly, would be the thought process here? That the Bulldogs saw something on film last week that would keep them from getting boatraced? Maybe the think they found a way to rattle Saban? Alabama kills Miss St on Saturday. Take first half, 2nd half, whole game, and tie every parlay you have onto Bama.
Iowa -3 vs Minnesota @ Iowa. Pick: Iowa
My confidence in this pick is approaching 0. Iowa is just the worst though. They never let anyone have any fun. The gophers are feeling really good after last week and they should. I faded them and lost my ass, but Iowa just has a way of shitting on your dreams. They’re the absolute worst. Fuck Iowa.
Michigan -13.5 vs Sparty @ Michigan
So Sparty really did that. They really lost to Illinois just like Wisconsin did. I know Black Santa has the Illini rolling, but jeez. Are you ready to talk to your kids about Minnesota and Illinois being good at football? I’m not. I don’t know how to even begin that conversation. Somehow this is Trump’s fault and we should impeach him for it.
So I get to put up Christmas decorations this weekend. I’d love to bitch about it, but the truth is I really like doing that. Christmas is the best!
Nebraska plays Wisconsin this weekend and I am scared to watch it. The Huskers are just not very good at tackle football.
I tried to be an Alabama fan last weekend and that might have sucked even more than being a Nebraska fan. As a Husker fan you are not surprised by losing anymore. It’s just the amount and who you lose to that is surprising and can catch you off guard. As an Alabama fan I just kept waiting for them to do the Bama thing where they win by 30. Then they lost. Screw those guys.
One of these days being a college football fan will be fun again. Thank God for gambling.
Make that cheeeeeeeeese!

TGIF Mofo’s,
I thought 2018 was rock bottom. 2019 was the season of promise! Darkhorse natty contender (Don’t believe me? Look up the preseason futures). Adrian Martinez for Heisman (Seriously. I can’t make this shit up). Consensus pick to win the B1G West (Urb even had em). Start the season. Colorado was a hiccup. Ohio State was a beating. Minnesota and Indiana were embarrassing. But Purdue…….Purdue is when I found out rock bottom had a basement. There appears to be a hole in the basement floor as well, but can’t be sure. The good news is that I get to find out soon.
Oh yeah. There’s this. “We suck at football, but Fred Hoiberg is here! At least we can look forward to basketball season!”
UC Riverside 66
Nebraska 47
2019 Record
Last Week 1-2
Overall 14-13
Penn State -6.5 @ Minnesota Pick: Penn State
I’m not buying what Minnesota is selling. They can row that stupid boat all they want and it still isn’t going to keep them within a touchdown of Penn State. The world doesn’t make sense when Minnesota is good at football. I need things to make sense.
Purdue @ Northwestern Pick: Under 39
I can pick totals in the locks can’t I? I mean they are mine. I basically write this thing for myself and the 5 guys that actually open it up. Under it is! I don’t see any way these two squads get anywhere near this number. The last time Northwestern scored a touchdown was October 5th. OCTOBER 5TH! Nebraska had only lost 2 games on October 5th. 44 offensive possessions. No TDs. Gimme the Under.
Maryland +43.5 @ Ohio State Pick: Maryland
It just feels like too many doesn’t it? No doubt the Suckeyes are gonna kill these guys, but by over 6 touchdowns? I guess I’ll pay to see it. This is one of those games that goes into half 35-0 and you just feel like hitting yourself in the nuts with a hammer. I think somehow Maryland musters up 17 points to get a cover.
Bonus pick!!!!!!!
Nebraska +1 vs Bye week Pick: Nebraska
Kidding! Unless someone wants the other side………..
Not a ton planned this weekend. I’m a little under the weather, but nothing a winning Saturday with a 4 team parlay can’t cure. I’m really excited to to watch the LSU/BAMA game. 62 is the total! Remember when these two played and they couldn’t get over the 50 yard line? Crazy how things change.
Enjoy is fellas!