Rocky Mountain Locks

Happy Saturday Helmets!
It’s been a while, but I figured I’d write one of these because I’m on vacation with my family and I’m up early and if I don’t find a way to occupy some time I’m just gonna wake everyone up and get my ass chewed. So here we are.
What a year! I’m batting about .190 on my bets, but at least I don’t get sad when the Huskers lose anymore. In fact, I found myself rooting for the other team after the Northwestern loss. Anything to get that twink albino Frost out of town. I think my daughter could have had a better record than he did. He’s the worst.
One last thing before my picks. Do you guys ever get on a losing streak so bad that you don’t even know if you’re making a bet because you like it or because you’re fading yourself? Or when you are just going through your phone and see your gambling app and get instantly stressed out without even opening it? I’m sure it’s just me.
Kansas +8.5 @ Oklahoma
In Tom Osborn’s final 5 seasons he won 3 nattys and was 60-3. 60-3!!!!! Now, Husker fans are hoping that we can convince the football coach from Kansas to come coach in Lincoln. Just shameful. How is someone supposed to have any self respect with that fact pattern? The Sooners are a disaster. They’ve won 3 games. You tell me which one is most impressive. Here they are. UTEP, Kent St, Nebraska. That’s like beating Glass Joe, Don Flamenco, and Piston Honda. Congrats Sooners. Jayhawks win outright.
Bye -21 vs Iowa
LOL JK, but seriously, fuck Iowa.
Illinois +6.5 vs MN @ Illinois
Ole Bert has got the Illini playing some ball this year! That guy can flat out coach football in the Big 10. He gets his shit pushed in down south in the SEC, but he knows the Big 10. I’ve heard PJ Fleck’s name thrown around for the Husker job. If that happens I’ll just snap. You’ll see me on national news. After everything Husker fans have been through in the past two decades we are not going to row the fucking boat. No chance. Unless he wins. Then I’ll do whatever he wants. I don’t care. No morals. If Putin came to Nebraska and went to a bowl game I’d get his face tattooed on my cheek. Someone just please make it stop!
Bama -8.5 vs Tennessee
Isn’t it cute that Tennessee thinks they’re good? Bless their hearts. I can promise you this, every Vol fan there is knows what happens today. Sports have no soul. No feelings. Sports do not exist to make you feel better about yourself. It is competition and there is no hiding. If you play Lebron one on one you might find a way to get one through the hoop if you’re really lucky, but in the end he’s gonna beat the fuck out of you. Alabama has QB issues…I guess. That’s what they say anyway. If you wanna call not knowing which 5 star freak athlete to lead your offense an issue I suppose that’s an issue. I wish I had issues like that. Between gambling on football and the stock market I’m trying to figure out how to keep the lights on. That’s an issue.
That’s it guys. It’s almost 6:30 here in CA. My fam has slept in long enough. Time to bang a bunch of stuff around and be loud af so everyone will wake up. Classic dad shit. I don’t know about you guys, but all the stuff my dad did that I hated growing up I thoroughly embrace now. Annoying and embarrassing your family is the best. There’s just nothing better. I can’t explain why, but the joy I feel when I see their cute little faces crinkle in disgust just gives me the fuel I need to get through the day.
Bonus pick. Take Purdue. Don’t be fooled. Nebraska still sucks. Don’t overthink it.
Have a great day boys!