Happy Friday Hosers,
I feel like hell is probably about like what I experienced last Saturday. Let me walk you through it.
Wake up and set up the bloody mary bar. The fam starts waking up. Everyone in red. Everyone getting faced and loading up to head to Boulder. The mission? Let these effing hippies know what time it is. Beers flow. Road trip from Estes. More beers. Gotta pee. Get to Boulder. Red EVERYWHERE! Harvest house. My goodness we’re going to pisspound these guys. Head to the stadium. Loud as shit. 1st half domination. 17-0. Cash the 1st half bet on the Huskers (broke the rule, but who cares?! It worked!) More beers. Almost peed myself. Holy crap it’s hot. 2nd half. They score. Whatever. A flea flicker? Are you effing kidding me? Still up 3. Touchdown Huskers!!!!! 10 unanswered from the Buffs? Tied up. Touchdown Huskers! Whew that was close. Got the win tho. Eff me. Maybe not. Overtime? We’re screwed. Kicking a FG with a punter. Ugh. Shoot me.
Worst. Day. Ever. At least the locks are holding up. Let’s get some dubs.
2019 Record
Last Week 2-1
Overall 4-2
Maryland -7 @ Temple
So apparently Maryland is on offensive juggernaut. Points per game average? 71. Temple beat the bricks off of Bucknell, but didn’t play last week. Maryland hasn’t been good at football since Wedding Crashers, but apparently they’ve got some juice this year so let’s give them a shot. Maybe they can get up by 17 at half and win by 30 or something. That would make me happy.
Iowa -1.5 @ Iowa State
Barf. Iowa two weeks in a row. Between that and having to stomach Nebraska getting swept by CU I am really doing some self-evaluating. Iowa is going to embarrass these guys and I guess the only thing that can make you feel good about an Iowa win is making some money off of it. The way I have it figured is that this is a win/win. If they lose, I lose money, but Iowa takes and L. Yay! If they win, I make money, but have to deal with those dickheads getting to celebrate. Not really a yay, but better than not making money. If they win by 1 I’m going to straight-up lose it. Like, lose it lose it. For real. This is not a drill.
Arkansas -10 vs Colorado State @ Arkansas
I know this is probably an unpopular pick, but I just gotta believe that Arkansas has been waiting for this game to get here. Plus this line just stinks. I would have thought this would be closer to 3 and anytime you think to your self that Vegas doesn’t know what they’re doing they’ve got you right were they want you. They’re like. Arkansas sucks (which is true). CSU beat them last year (also true). This is a gift because you’ve been getting your dick kicked in all year. And then BAM! 50-14 Arkansas and you’re sending a FedEx to bookie man. I’ve seen it a million times.
I’m going to try to have a better weekend, but I’m really nervous. Northern Illinois is coming to Lincoln and if they win you’ll be able to see the mushroom cloud from Fort Collins. The photos coming out of Lincoln will rival what was seen at Chernobyl and Syria. Those folks just won’t be able to handle it. Pray for a win boys.
Good luck!